..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
