Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants

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(914): View more from New York

she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?

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(614): View more from Ohio

Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.

(1-614): View more from Ohio

Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.

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(404): View more from Georgia

on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.

(1-404): View more from Georgia

i can respect that.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today

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(919): View more from North Carolina

This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs

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