my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
we're so committed to being not committed
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