I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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