the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize