When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
