There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
