sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
did i just pee glitter
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
