I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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