I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
