when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
