I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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