Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize