I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
