no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
