UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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