Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
