Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
