Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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