I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
