at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
im holly from the hills drunk
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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