fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
