You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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