i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
