now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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