Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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