it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
