a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
