she looked like the before picture.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
two words...techno handjob
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
