Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
