So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize