I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
