I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
