how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
