just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
