wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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