do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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