Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
