The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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