How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
