Where is the hickey?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
