Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
