Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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