Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
