After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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