I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Can you bring me the toilet please
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
