oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
