halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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