Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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