Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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