dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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