I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I skipped work to stalk him.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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