You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
