Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
And then my night got REAL pukey
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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