Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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