What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
