It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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