Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
