I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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