went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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