Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
