he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize