I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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