So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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