For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
