You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
