I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
