There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
