apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
