I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
