please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize