He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
