If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my shit smells like andre
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize