forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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